A Culture Of Comparison

Happy Valentine’s Day (or Galentine’s Day to all my single gals)! A day of chocolate, teddy bears, and cards. Or for some of us, a day to compare ourselves to others who are in loving relationships whilst we’re still single and alone. Nevertheless, comparing ourselves isn’t just a rare occurrence on Valentine’s day, it ensues throughout the year, regardless of the day because we are all trapped in a culture of comparison.

Who looks more attractive than you? Who is smarter than you? Who is richer than you? Who has a better relationship than you?

Every person, no matter who they are or where they come from, is subject to comparing themselves to other people. Whether it’s looks, personality, money or intelligence, everyone is so used to comparing themselves that self-depreciation is sadly a daily battle for many. But why can’t we just be happy with the way we are and accept that everyone has their differences?

Let’s take a look at the most common topic of comparison that many people will resonate with: their looks. We’re too fat, too pale, noses too wonky, hair too frizzy, legs too short, arms too fat… the list is never ending. With increased usage of social media over recent decades, there has been an increased correlation in the number of people who feel dissatisfied with their looks. We look at people who are perfect on social media, billboards or magazines and just wish that we could look like them. But no matter how long we spend doing our make-up, or how much money we spend on new clothes to update our style, there will always be something we find that we don’t like about our appearance.

But don’t you realise something? We all feel the same way and everyone has their own insecurities. I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise that 79% of Americans report feeling unhappy with how their body looks at times (79% vs. 21% never, I am always satisfied with how my body looks). This statistic probably won’t shock you because at the end of the day, we’re all trapped in this culture of comparison. You may think that dozens of people are more good looking or smarter than you, but my bet is that there are also dozens of people who are also thinking the same about you.

What can we do to stop comparing ourselves to others? I’m sure you’ve heard of the concept of “self-love”. I personally find this very cheesy and prefer to think of it in another way. To tackle our culture of comparison, we should work towards an end goal of simply accepting and appreciating all parts of ourselves- the good bits, the bad bits; our flaws, our imperfections; our strengths, our talents. If we start appreciating every part of ourselves rather than trying to become perfect people, we’ll all be a whole lot happier. 

In my early teens, I personally really struggled with coming to terms with my appearance when I hit puberty as I started to gain weight and my skin rapidly broke out. After years of having perfect skin and being complimented for ‘being so skinny’, I couldn’t cope with the changes that were occurring. Growing up in the generation when having a ‘thigh gap’ was trendy, skinny was the end goal for many. I really hated my arms (as I thought they were fat), my hair was always too bushy and uncontrollable, and my problem skin was impossible to manage. During this period, I was fixated on my appearance and resorted to a plethora of diets and intense workout routines to change how I looked and subsequently felt about myself.

In the moment, it was as though I was looking through rose-tinted glasses of how I was expected to look. Of course I was going to gain weight and of course my skin was going to break out during my teen years. But for some bizarre reason, I thought that this meant there was something wrong with me and so I subsequently took it upon myself to prevent and control this in any way possible. Admittedly as I look back on photos from this time of my life, I do feel sorry for myself and wish that I could have seen myself for what I really looked like. Yes, I gained some weight, but so did everyone else around that age. Yes, my skin wasn’t amazing, but neither was anyone else’s around this time. I felt and, in my mind, looked ten times worse than how I did in reality.

One of the things that completely altered the way that I viewed and still view myself is by practising daily affirmations. For anyone who doesn’t know what affirmations are, they are simple, positive statements about specific goals in their completed states. You say them every day, usually in the morning straight after you’ve woken up and they can include phrases such as:

I believe in myself 

I’m strong

I feel happy and secure 

My body is a gift and I love it

Today I embrace the past

Although affirmations can sound very superficial when you’re saying them, over time you start to believe them, and you may even catch yourself off-guard by saying affirmations subconsciously.

So how do they work? An affirmation can work because it has the ability to program your mind into believing the stated concept. My favourite affirmation is a simple 3 words: I am enough. This affirmation reminds me on a daily basis that I am already a wholesome individual who is sufficient and isn’t worth any less than another single person. It serves as a reminder to stop comparing myself to other people and accept who I am. Seeing as it’s Valentine’s Day, it seems fitting to add in that you don’t need another person to improve your self-worth and hype you up. You can feel comfortable in yourself and give your self-confidence a boost for example by practising affirmations. No one should have to rely on another person to define their self-worth.

Now that I’m 18 and (for the most part!), past my years of teenage angst, I’ve finally settled down into my skin- literally! However, on the off days when I feel insecure (because let’s be real, everyone has them), I remind myself to accept my life, what I look like and who I am. I keep a gratitude journal and write down 3 things I am grateful for every day. Gratitude is a powerful process of shifting your perspective because only when you appreciate what you already have, will even more good things come. I also try to remember that if I’m comparing myself to a photo in a magazine or on social media, then that’s not a whole person who I’m looking at. It’s only one aspect of themselves and even though they may seem perfect, they’re really not. They probably have their own insecurities and flaws, but I’m just not aware of them.

How do you try to combat our culture of comparison? What techniques have you used to overcome insecurities? Comment down below and subscribe on the homepage to get weekly updates when I upload!

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I hope you have a fab Valentine/Galentine’s Day and relaxing weekend with your loved ones!