Stop caring, start living

 

I have always had a fairly blasé attitude to other people’s opinions of me and my life decisions. Growing up, I definitely didn’t care about what people thought in terms of the way I dressed (as evidenced by my rather interesting choices in fashion), the way I acted or the people I was friends with. However, like everyone, I went through my teenage years and had periods where I conformed to my peers. Whether that was by choosing to wear skinny jeans over flares, toning down my bubbly personality in fear of being seen as annoying or by belittling my intelligence in case people saw me as cocky, I would find ways to ‘fit in’. Luckily, I have always been able to get myself out of these mindsets because I realise that I am happiest when I care less about what people think and focus instead on what gives me joy in life.

Unfortunately, this pandemic has not been the best for me, because in spite of being indifferent for the most part to other people’s opinions of me, I also find it easy to slip into overthinking. Having a lot of spare time and lack of events that have occurred over the past 7 months have given me a lot of chances to ruminate on the past, sometimes to the extent where I overanalyse a situation and what people thought of me. Luckily, from speaking to my friends, I have realised that I am not the only one who has done this. Many of them have also been overthinking for the very same reasons.

Over the past few days, I have realised that the reason I go through periods of anxiety and unhappiness is because I start to care too much about what people think. I stress about what people think of the way I act, the way I dress and the way I am as a person. However, as I said before, I am not naturally someone who tends to put a lot of thought into other people’s opinions of me. I therefore knew that I had to get myself out of this rut or I would just carry on thinking this way and feeling worse about myself.

The reality of life is that no one actually cares.

No one cares because they are too caught up in their own dramas, stress, and lives that they do not actually have time to think about you. I know it sounds harsh, but it is the truth.

Living a materialistic, capitalist society predicated on the idea that everyone cares about your looks, how much money you earn and what career you have means it’s no wonder we constantly feel watched and judged by other people.

The best example of this is when you are in a group of people, and you have to go around introducing yourself and say a fun fact. At this point, you might start to feel anxious and nervous about how you are going to sound, what everyone is going to think and what you are going to say. But why are you even stressing when everyone else is thinking exactly the same thing? Likelihood is that no one is even listening because they are more focused on themselves than you. When you realise this fact, you learn to carry it through to all parts of your life. So, the next time you are out in public and think you look awkward, or you are having a bad hair day and feel ugly, remind yourself that no one actually cares! And nine times out of ten, it is only in your head.

When you learn to stop caring, you will feel a weight physically lifted off your shoulders. Instead of constantly trying to please other people, do things because it makes you happy and because you want to. Why waste your time caring about what other people might judge you for, when the likelihood is that they do not even think twice of what you are worrying about? When you adopt a carefree attitude, only then do you really begin to experience life. I have learned that when you start to do things for yourself, this really shows, and it is reflected in the way that people view you.

Now, I am not naïve to the fact that people will sometimes actually talk about a decision you have made or something you have done. Trust me, I have had my fair share of that this year. If this does happen, then remind yourself that it is only going to be for a brief period because something significant has happened in your life. It is only a matter of time until everyone forgets about it and moves onto the next big topic of discussion. And in the case that they do say something negative, remember that this says more about their flaws and insecurities than it does about you.

No one gives a damn.

If you want to wear an outgoing piece of clothing, then wear it. If you want to drop out of university to travel, then do it. If you want to leave a relationship, then end it. If you want to do something for your own happiness but are too worried about what everyone else will think, then forget about them! There is no point in trying to please everyone else if in the end it means you are only compromising your own happiness. Your happiness does not depend on other people’s opinions of you.

You may think that this is easier said than done. However, it is not. The only reason it would be hard is because it takes time to reverse a mindset of being a people pleaser. Taking small steps to be yourself without caring about others’ opinions is the way to begin.

I hope that this blog post has been useful, especially if you are someone who is sensitive to other people’s opinions or if the past few months have caused you to overthink more than usual. Remember that reversing a mindset of caring about what others think will take time, but in the end, you will be a happier person for it. Stop caring and start living for your happiness.